Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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