Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
