I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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