mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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