I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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