i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
