I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
