Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
