Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
