1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
