I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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