The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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