Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
