Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
