Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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