yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
