Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
