How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
