Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
