i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
