I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
