is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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