I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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