Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
