why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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