My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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