How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
