Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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