Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
