yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
