i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I look better un-naked...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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