can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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