My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
