jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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