Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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