Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
