16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
