I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
