WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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