So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
