i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
