I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
