i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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