dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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