then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
