Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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