If that was your dad, he is hot
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish there were birth control emojis
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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