I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
