I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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