i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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