I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
