I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
