the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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