The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
