Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
