you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He better not be in your backpack
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
