I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
