I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
