When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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