All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They have beer where we have blood.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
